

There's a search bar towards the top right of the window. Keep the Blender preferences open and go to the Keymap category (from main window: Edit > Preferences > Keymap). I'm planning on copying this text so edits that trim words stupidly bare will probably not exist upon a next edit). Editors who think I'm too wordy be warned. The other method (that I'm sort of developing) won't get you to Macbook-great-feel status, but if you're looking to use Blender one handed on a couch somewhere, this may prove easier in your workflow (this is the way I'm learning to use it, but I'm planning to update this as I/we find more convenient, or more mac-like, methods. It'll definitely take some getting used to, but it's only several clicks.

This will enable you to use Alt + Right Mouse Button to rotate around. Go to your Blender preferences ( Edit > Preferences > Input), then click upon Emulate 3 Button Mouse. The first method will take time to get used to, but it is definitely the easier way without much hassle, brought to you by a guest in the comments:

For those who also have this problem, there are two options.
